My ongoing fight

So its time I came clean.  I’ve had a big battle to fight over the last few years.

I have depression.

Now it is pointless to say I HAD depression because you never fully recover.  I’m in the recovery stages and finally feeling stronger but….it is still a daily struggle. You spend day after day wondering will today be the day I have a low again? Will I end up crying and wishing…wishing that the world opened and ate me. The fight is never really over and I hate that it isn’t.  I constantly worry and wonder that when  my life goes on, when Damien and I finally decide to have children, will I get post natal? Will the baby be more inclined to depression?

I know its probably silly to even think about it that way but I can’t help it.  I’ve spent so much time Depression as who I am. I can’t just let it go after so long and I wish that I could separate myself from it. Sadly its so ingrained in who I am that I can’t seem to remove myself from it.

the only problem I really have is that I don’t want my future and my children under that stigma.

But the fight just keeps on going…..and day by day I get stronger

Will it ever really be over?

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